Category Archives: Realspeak

No Need To Be Subtle, Begging Works: “Clients Want Offer”

Whether it’s an “extremely motivated client”, or an extremely motivated agent, it’s the new age of real estate marketing…begging…and in San Francisco it’s here to stay.

It’s about time we quit being subtle and get to the point.

-367 31st Ave, 3 bedroom, $1,195,000 [property website]
-13 Ways To Say The Same Thing: Bring Me An Offer [theFrontSteps.com]

A “Villa” At Ocean Beach? Tisk Tisk. But A Pizza Place On Noriega…Brilliant!

The email to our office read, “Stunning Ocean Beach Villa”, and a link to 2006 47th Ave was included. We were expecting…well….a surprise, you know…a “villa”. Instead, we got your typical Outer Parkside “gem”.

villa2

We’re gonna go out on a limb and say that when 99% of Outer Parkside home buyers (and their Realtors) are shopping for homes at or near Ocean Beach, they’re not looking for “villas”. Maybe “Junior 5s” or “Center Patios”, but “villas”? Seems like a little bit of…shall we say…interesting marketing.

But a Pizza Place On Noriega? Now that’s marketing…it’s a pizza place…on Noriega. Genius!

pizzaplace
(Yes, the Pizza Place is nearby this listing.)

-2006 47th Ave, Outer Parkside, $849,000.

The Fun Continues: “It Need Renovated”

scott299900

REO. Price Reduce from $399,900 Contractor special. It need renovated. Nice and Quite, one bedroom one bath on the ground floor,installed security system [as opposed to....?]. SOLD AS IS condition. Pre-qaulify loan letter from Wells Fargo Bank. HOA including the earthquake insurance.

Sometimes it’s just fun to poke fun isn’t it?

There is a story here though. Last sale January 2006 for $410,000, in contract today around $299,900.

-1348 Scott #B [MLS]

RealSpeak Gone Really Wrong, 1581 Masonic Waxes Poetic

‘Tis the week of reader submissions and questions, and we love them! Keep ‘em coming (thefrontsteps@gmail.com).

From a reader:

Thanks much for the fortnightly dose of sfnewsletter. The West Portal data, in particular, was very helpful, since we rent in neighboring Forest Hills Ext. Gives us some hope…

masonic

Going through the New Homes listings, I was curious to see what 1581 Masonic, listed at $3.3M, looked like, and was quite amused with its description…

Description:
Architectural detail engages a space that its very purpose defines & masters it wholly. Drawing upon natural elements surrounding the property, the design calculates the position of light, hill, tree & view with ardent charisma, capitalizing the opportunity for function to parallel form. Windows exhibit what lies beyond their frames; finishes honor what dwells inside & out; passages deliver not only a destination, but what lies perhaps miles away; rooms elicit romantic ideas & beg for a pause.

Huh?!

What the hell is that crap!?

Dear, The Dead Poets Society Blog, Can you post this listing for us?

Seriously, we got nothing against our fellow agents, well maybe some, but that is just too far out in right field. Let’s bring it back home and sell some real estate, shall we?

“Ardent Charisma”…

-1581 Masonic [MLS]
-sfnewsletter [Real Estate market reports and comps sent weekly (almost)]

“This Is The One”, 565 Clipper Gets Into Contract

Right on the heels of our recent post a la Sophie, “A walk up the hill”, we learn that one of the little nugs she reported on went into contract as of yesterday, 565 Clipper being that little 4 bed, 3.5 bath, $2,149,000 single family nug (originally listed 10/08 for $2,599,000):

565clipper
The deets, with a little RealSpeak for good measure:

Breathtaking, recently rebuilt home w/ hi ceilings & dramatic dark walnut floors. Enormous living room w/ FP & city vus. Top shelf kit w/ 6-burner Viking & CesarStone + huge bfast bar. Dramatic DR is surrounded by windows & adjacent outdoor living space. 3BD/2BA upper level includes a luxurious master suite w/ FP & vu deck + an add’l south facing deck adjacent to 3rd BD overlooking the garden.Ground level has huge family/media room w/ wet bar + 4th BD, full BA & 2 car sxs gar. This is the one!

565clipperkit

It “is the one” for someone, and is a good comparable for 469 Clipper (future version), which just so happens to still be available.

So what gives? Bad market, busy street, nothing but doom on the horizon, yet somebody pulled the trigger on a $2+Million property on Clipper? Let’s hope it closes.

Stay tuned for reports of multiple offers on multiple properties. No kidding.

[Update: Closed escrow for $2,090,000.]

Sellers: Consider Your Tagline

waynesworldposter1

The way an item is advertised, say, a movie, or a house, can indeed lure in the consumer. It can also amuse, annoy, or even repel.

To illustrate, let’s look at Pete Hartlaub’s very funny article on movie taglines. To quote. taglines are proof that

“in the minds of Hollywood marketing executives, the IQ of the average moviegoer is about 63. Either that or the IQ of the average tagline writer is 63. How else to explain this sentence on the poster of the 1977 movie ‘Suspiria’: The only thing more terrifying than the last 12 minutes of this film are the first 92. Or this gem, from the 1982 action film ‘Silent Rage’: Science created him. Now Chuck Norris must destroy him. Other taglines seem painfully obvious (See ‘The Matrix Revolutions’) or intentionally cryptic. I’m still trying to figure out what this tagline means, from the 1998 film ‘Urban Legends’: It happened to someone who knows someone you know … you’re next.”

The article also points out that some taglines are just lazy. Way too many sequels, for instance, just include “again” and are otherwise identical to the original:

“Hellbound: Hellraiser II”: It will tear your soul apart … again!

“Home Alone 3″: It’s bad news for bad guys …. again.

“Alien 3″: Start running …. again.

“Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh”: Dare you say his name 5 times … again!

“Poltergeist III”: They’re back … again.

Okay, so now the tie to real estate marketing. A brief look at listings on the MLS now shows that over 30 are “in the heart of the city.” How many hearts does SF have, people? Can we agree, for once, where the geographic heart really is? And what that means? Is it the center? Or is it the most lively part? Or where the money is made? Or where people get laid most often?

Other listings are just over the top enthusiastic. The homes are fabulous, excellent, dazzling, and gorgeous, all at once. It’s like that high you get from eating pop rocks and drinking Coke. Too much!

Another curious tactic is the employment of CAPITAL LETTERS and exclamation marks. We know they import emphasis. But why emphasize at random?

This one is off Craig’s List with the tagline “$800000 **PRIME LOCATION. FIXXER UPPER. 3 stories****.”

“740- 39th Avenue San Francisco, CA 94121 PRIME PROPERTY in the most DESIRABLE Location!! NOT AN REO or SHORT SALE!!! Normal sale.

Over 2000 square feet, 3 stories, and primest property in the Richmond District. Needs lots of work. A pure Diamond in the rough yet worth $1.5 million after the fact!

Lot size is 4796, built in 1926. Only for $800,000. One block from Balboa.

It’s very hot! PERFECT FOR INVESTORS!!”

Another odd ad caught my eye on Craig’s List because the tagline, frankly, well… see for yourself.

“$299000 40-Unit 28,800 s.f. Income Properties Tremendous Negative Cash Flow.”

Okay, the last one is clearly a fake, but it definitely proves the power of the tagline, because I bet you, future buyer, have to look. Meanwhile, you might skip on of the ubiquitous “fabulous heart of the city dazzlers” simply because you can’t tell them apart.

—–

Wayne’s World (awesome!), via Knemonic

Casa Cielo is a done deal…with an asterisk (3690 21st Street)

They asked $3,745,000 and they got….? We’ll just never know. It’s another one of those deals that closed with an asterisk (meaning sales price not disclosed). Something tells us it was close to that. It only spent 8 days on the market.

-

In case you’re wondering what’s all the fuss, here are the marketing remarks:

Atop Liberty Hill, Casa Cielo is one of San Francisco’s best known homes. A rich local history and a location perched on top of the city make it a true once in a lifetime opportunity! The opulent interior features a massive formal living room with vaulted ceilings, multiple sitting rooms, a large deck with 180 degree views of the city and bay, 3 bedrooms and 3 remodeled bathrooms. Surrounded by lush mature gardens and several patios with fountains. Detached one car garage with guest apt above.

And only one RealSpeak thrown in. You see, that’s how you get it done.

-3690 21st Street [sfnewsletter listing detail]

Lolspeak step aside, “Realspeak” is here to stay!

It’s been around for a while, and seems to be creeping in more often, so we’re now officially declaring Realspeak a new language.

cat

Huge reduced! Elegant column front gate & stepping stones lead to this gorgeous&quality rmdled Merced Manor hme. Hugh Gourmet chefʼs ktchn w/island,hi-end stnless steel applnces,granite cntr,chrry cbnts & blt-in wineculr.3bd/2.5ba upstairs w/jaccz & shwr. Downstairs hugh&bright fmly rm w/deck plus 2br/2ba&lndry rm. All 5 br are M suites,2 jaccz. All nu windws,2 S/S pkg grages. Near great schools,Stonestown Galleria,YMCA,MUNI,EZ access to Freeway. This great detched home almost has it all!

We literally cut and pasted those marketing remarks directly from the listing. Not one editor’s change has been made.

-485 Eucalyptus Dr. [listing detail]