“How’s the market?” This has to be the number one most common question we’re asked these days by principals and Realtors alike. So we thought we’d give you some answers you’ll likely hear at your next cocktail party (stocked with Keystone Light, and Jose Cuervo, because Lord knows Negra Modelo and Patron Silver ain’t flowin’ like it used to!):
Question: “How’s the market?”
Reply #1:
How the fuck do I know! I’m a financial analyst with an MBA and Ph.D. in Economics. Graduated from Wharton, top of my class. Summa cum fuckin’ laude bitch! What do I care about real estate? I’m making my fortune in the stock market. Oh…by the way, I just created a website…ilostmyjobandimbroke.com. It’s gonna be huge.
Reply #2:
It’s great! Never been a better time to be a buyer than now. Interest rates are insanely low, sellers are willing to negotiate, prices are dropping and volume is pretty much in the toilet, so if you’re looking for opportunity, now is the time to buy, that’s for sure. Here’s my card. You can reach me at the office, fax, email (any of the five), cell, on Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, my blog, at the supermarket checkout, my kids swim practice, hell anywhere! Wait…don’t leave!
Reply #3:
It’s horrible. Our house has been sitting on the market for 100+ days and we’re afraid that asshole over at theFrontSteps is gonna feature it as a Stalefish. Wanna buy it? I’ll make you a smoking deal and I’ll even throw in my husband and kids…Gratis!
Reply #4:
Dude! The market is awesome. Buy a foreclosure dude. Don’t buy anything else. Everybody selling right now is in foreclosure. No need to make offers bro. Just wait. Foreclosures are the only way to go. Dude, we just bought this one and the basement was full of plants! Such a score bro. Whoever lent money to those owners were idiots, but they were good at growing plants. Wanna puff?
Reply #5:
I don’t know. Does my ass look good in these jeans, cuz I just bought them half off at Gap and they’re like totally having sales everywhere. I was thinking of buying some new Gucci sunglasses, but my husband like totally told me money is tight, but I totally bought this handbag at Prada and the credit card worked, so we can’t be that broke. Right? I think my ass looks good in these…you?
There you go. Have a good weekend, we’ll be back on Monday.
BRILLIANT
Hysterical. I find it’s more like:
Buyer Circa 2008 in SF:
Holy Shit — why didn’t someone warn me!
Buyer Circa 2007 in SF:
This is a blip, sure prices are down but I’m not selling and my neighbor whos been here for 30 years is gonna make 1000% return on her investment. I’m sure I’ll make the same as soon as this market rebounds. I just hope the market rebounds before my I/O ARM resets and that I don’t lose my job. Could be a bitch to make these payments with no income or savings.
Buyer Circa 2001:
Damn, I should have sold last year and started renting.
Owner Circa 1996:
OMG, I can’t believe how lucky/smart I was to buy just before the market exploded in real estate. I wonder if I should sell now before things get real bad? Nah, I need a place to live and I’ve got some equity room to give back anyway. Glad I’m not levered to the hills like my neighbors who bought in 2006 & 2007.
Owner Circa 1985-1990:
We should have leveraged everything and bought both those properties back when we bought this place. Imaging if we did and had been renting the second home all this time? We could sell and retire tomorrow. What a missed opportunity. We should probaly down-size now anyway and get out with our insane profits. Man, our neighbors are gonna be pissed when we sell our place for 10% below what they paid last year.
Buyer Circa 2009:
No Thanks! Talk to me in late 2010.
i thought that jeans discussion was just btwn you and me, man!
Maybe 2010 Buyer but maybe not: How’s the market?
Fluj: aw man. Are you really sure you want to ask me that question over cocktails? We were having so much fun. sigh. OK. Got a couple minutes? … block by block … D10 mix …. CW vs. actually being in the market in good, central neighborhoods right now … interest rates … 5 to 10% off basically citywide … reset tsunami imploded by fed …. etc. etc.
Maybe 2010/Maybe not — zzzzzzzzzzz
sparky;
“Market Schmarket, this party sucks. Keystone and Cuervo, yuck. Let’s go drink something good.”
How’s the market
RE Seller: There is a market?
RE Buyer: Who cares. I will check again in two years.
Business Owner: Cannot be better. A lot of people to pick from for any job opening, but I don’t think I want to hire.
Employee: I don’t know and I don’t want to find out. I hope my boss keep me out of the market. I will do anything!
Unemployed: There is a market? Why nobody replied me?
Fund Manager: The way it is going, I will have to move to Mexico before my Ponzi Scheme gets exposed.
Stock/Fund holder: I don’t know. I haven’t checked my portfolio for six months, afraid of a heart attack.
Damn! You guys/gals are good! I love reading things that make me laugh.
Keep it up! I appreciate every last one of ’em.
Oh, @Tim M…your ass does look mighty cute in dem jeans. Might just throw you in the middle of old Durty Nelly!
i didn’t know they allowed you to curse on the internet. holy shit
anyone notice the $650k and under market is smoking hot… i have a buyer who is afraid prices are going to go up. i guess she doesn’t read socketsite.
i have a buyer who is afraid prices are going to go up. i guess she doesn’t read socketsite.
… or the growing numbers of “Price Reduced” banners as the number of listings and DOM continue to increase, apparently.
Renter circa 1999: What do you have for under $5,000/mo?
Landlord: I have this kennel, er, Dawg house for $4850, bathroom’s out back, extra deposit with a pet.
Renter: Is it rent controlled?
Landlord: I hope so…