Get Ur Sub-Urban On, Centex Is Slashing Prices

Big city life burning you out? Dream of owning a McMansion in the middle of B.F.E? Head East young man! McMansions in the hills of Sacramento (or somewhere over there) await, and one of America’s largest home builders is blowing out their inventory! Forget about culture, forget about the city “buzz”, and forget about the prospects of having fresh sushi, or chinese takeout delivered to your door. Forget 3 day heat waves…It’s HOT all Summer long! Buy a big HUGE truck, hop in, load up on fast food, guzzle some gas, enjoy your commute, and relish the deal you scored on that 3000 square feet of extra living space you really never needed, but now you gotta go to the Furniture Barn and buy some big fat brown crappy piece of sh*t sofas and Lay Z Boy recliners, and monster TVs to fill the space. Load up on Costco goods to last until you find where you put the previous Costco run (hint: it’s in one of the four refrigerators you now must own), turn on Nascar, gas up the boat and wave-runners and head for the Delta, because you just bought a slice of the American Dream.

centex1

We’ll stick it out in San Francisco, but thanks for the Spam Centex.

[Update: Man, our readers are good!

Country life burning you out? Dream of owning a 1/1 tiny condo w/no parking in the middle of SOMA? Head West young man! Shoddy-built condos in the flats of SOMA (or maybe Van Ness Ave or Hayes Valley or somewhere over there) await, and one of America’s largest condo builders is blowing out their inventory! Forget about the country fresh air, forget about the wide vistas, and forget about the prospects of having fresh eggs / cheese / bread / vegetables of the country close to your door. Forget 3 day heat waves…It’s FOGGY/FREEZING all Summer long! Buy a big NEW (old one doesn’t fit) car (and a $74/yr parking pass, avoid $50 tickets, and still don’t find any parking), load up on $12 hamburgers, squeeze into a MUNI bus and enjoy the frequent-delayed commute, and relish the $850/sq ft deal you scored on that tiny living space you really can’t fit in, but now you gotta go buy a new smaller apartment couch and $1,200 Design (just out of) Reach barstools, replace the working-just-fine-Sears-dishwasher with a often-breaking $1,500 Fisher/Pay(kill) to jazz up the space. Load up on $4 apples from Delisso’s to last a day (to store in your new Fisher/Pay(kill) smaller refrigerator because a standard sized-fridge won’t fit), head out to the Union Street Fair (selling the same crappy expensive posters of random shots of Guatemala as the last 5 yrs of street fairs), gas up the truck and strap on the surfboards (oh, the truck costs another $400/mo to park) and head for the Ocean Beach in your 4.5m wetsuit, because you just bought a slice of the American Dream.]

3 thoughts on “Get Ur Sub-Urban On, Centex Is Slashing Prices”

  1. Country life burning you out? Dream of owning a 1/1 tiny condo w/no parking in the middle of SOMA? Head West young man! Shoddy-built condos in the flats of SOMA (or maybe Van Ness Ave or Hayes Valley or somewhere over there) await, and one of America’s largest condo builders is blowing out their inventory! Forget about the country fresh air, forget about the wide vistas, and forget about the prospects of having fresh eggs / cheese / bread / vegetables of the country close to your door. Forget 3 day heat waves…It’s FOGGY/FREEZING all Summer long! Buy a big NEW (old one doesn’t fit) car (and a $74/yr parking pass, avoid $50 tickets, and still don’t find any parking), load up on $12 hamburgers, squeeze into a MUNI bus and enjoy the frequent-delayed commute, and relish the $850/sq ft deal you scored on that tiny living space you really can’t fit in, but now you gotta go buy a new smaller apartment couch and $1,200 Design (just out of) Reach barstools, replace the working-just-fine-Sears-dishwasher with a often-breaking $1,500 Fisher/Pay(kill) to jazz up the space. Load up on $4 apples from Delisso’s to last a day (to store in your new Fisher/Pay(kill) smaller refrigerator because a standard sized-fridge won’t fit), head out to the Union Street Fair (selling the same crappy expensive posters of random shots of Guatemala as the last 5 yrs of street fairs), gas up the truck and strap on the surfboards (oh, the truck costs another $400/mo to park) and head for the Ocean Beach in your 4.5m wetsuit, because you just bought a slice of the American Dream.


    kidding of course, i wouldn’t trade SF for the country at all…but having fun…

    [Editor’s note: …Touche!]

  2. DanRH,

    I liked your rebuttal. But this one?

    “having fresh eggs / cheese / bread / vegetables of the country close to your door.”

    In suburbia?

    I don’t think so.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s