Tag Archives: humor

$302,000 Worth Of Furniture Comes With This House…Sort Of

Originally listed for sale in the Fall of 2012 for $1,850,000, price chopped, relisted a mere 11 days ago, now asking $1,798,000, this property apparently has an “expansive, unobstructed view of the City and the bay”, but that’s not all.

From the “agent only” remarks we occasionally can’t help but to share with you. It’s a “beautifully remodeled home in Diamond Heights, with the option to buy the house furnished for $2,100,000.00. Show this house blind.”

21ora

Are we the only ones that are confused by the marketing of a home that apparently has a fabulous remodel, great views, and great furniture ($302,000 worth), none of which we get to see?

Oh…hold on, hold on, hold on. It’s there…”Show this house blind“. Now we get it.

-21 Ora, San Francisco [MLS]

Real Estate Oscars: Best Actor/Cinematography

If you have a property video you’d like to share with our readers, please send it to theFrontSteps@gmail.com. We’d be happy to share in the, um, spotlight….

-1378 Rhode Island (Property Video/website)

Wishing You A Merry Christmas And Happy New Year (Chopper Style)

Thank you for being such a great and captive group of readers. I (alex, the editor) appreciate it, and enjoy bringing all of this stuff to you. Keep telling your friends and keep the comments coming!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy Fu*king New Year! See you in 2010 and make sure to check out PocketListings.net, or follow @pocketlistings on Twitter.

13 Ways To Say The Same Thing…”Bring Me An Offer!”

Given the recent amount of junk Realtor mail flooding our inbox, we thought it high time to see how many different ways Realtors can slice the same pie. Awards should be given, but we’ll save those for our Sexiest Realtor Contest which will begin in earnest next week (lots of pretty faces out there!).

So here is what happens. One week, we get an email that says in the subject, “Prime Noe Valley Victorian”, the next it says, “Best location Noe Valley Home”, the next it says, “Coveted Noe Valley Single Family Home”, we click on the email to open it… Alas! They’re all the same home!

The best is when we get the emails doing the same thing with the subject to trick you into clicking, but also changing the way they say “bring me a f*cking offer, I have a desperate seller here!” How many ways can YOU say the same thing?

We’ll try first:

1. Motivated Seller (As opposed to the un-motivated seller that lists his home during holidays and a global recession.)
2. Seller must sell (and agent needs the commish.)
3. Price negotiable (Aren’t all prices negotiable?)
4. Price reduced (Thatta girl! Keep it going.)
5. Bring offers (We’ll bring the punch.)
6. Amazing Tax benefits! (Ahhh…the tax advice from a Realtor.)
7. All offers welcome (Can I buy you a drink?)
8. Holiday discount! (We’re feeling it. Look under the tree son…we just bought you a house.)
9. End of year price reduction won’t last (Meaning the price will go up in January?)
10. New Reduced Price! (So is that a new price? A one time price reduction, or a new price reduction different from any previous reductions?)
11. Amazing New Price! (Different than the Amazing Original List Price.)
12. Last chance price! (Who’s chance?)
13. Lucky 13….Sellers Facing Foreclosure (which is kind of stupid, because any offers at that point will be lowballs, likely end up being below what the seller’s owe, and turn into a short sale or foreclosure anyway, but that’s a tangent and a totally different subject.)

We’re sure there are more ways to skin that, “I need to sell this bloody listing” cat, but that is just a sampling of what we see on a daily basis.

Carry on…and feel free to share your favorites in the comments below.

Strippers Wanted For “Entertaining” Prospective Clients

stripper1

Oh this is good. Do you want to be an “entertainer”, get people wasted, and take their money? Well, you’re in luck. You don’t have to be a stripper to land this job. You can be a Realtor’s assistant!

From the Craigslist Ad:

Models Wanted for Happy Hour Events
Date: 2009-11-16, 9:00AM

We are looking for female models for happy hour events in San Francisco.
We are a a group of Real Estate agents who entertain prospects and clients.
You will be responsible for making sure that our guests have fun and everyone makes it home safe.
These events are at resturants and bars in San Francisco where you will be entertaining prospective clients for business relationships.
You must be friendly, outgoing, and be able to drink responsibly.
We will be doing interviews this week on Thursday in Burlingame.
Do not reply if you have a drug or alcohol problem.
You will be paid $20.00 per hour for which you will be given a 1099 for.
Please send at least 3 photos to be considered. The next job will be Tues next week.

Hiring Organization: Reply by email
-Location: San Francisco
-Compensation: $20.00 per hour 2hr min
-This is a part-time job.
-Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
-Please, no phone calls about this job!
-Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

And from us here at theFrontSteps, please be careful and make sure to take a picture of these [fill in the blank] and send it our way!

“Liquor, beer and wine, it’s the flashing sign I see…” Every single morning when I wake up, I wanna sell some property. (Google “Reverend Horton Heat’s” song to get the melody.)

Oh so fun to be in real estate.

Thanks to InsideSFre.com for the “tip”…no pun intended

-Patrick Swayze, Chris Farley Chippendales Audition Video
-Bay Area’s Sexiest Realtor Contest